Grief & wellbeing
Administering an estate while grieving is one of the hardest things a person can do. The administrative demands do not pause for grief, and grief does not pause for the administration. It is okay to ask for help — for both.
General guidance only — not legal or financial advice. Every estate is different. Consult a professional for your specific situation.
Grief and admin overlap — and that is normal
Many executors find themselves making legal and financial decisions in the weeks immediately after a death. There is no "right" emotional state for this work. Some people find the tasks a useful distraction; others find them unbearable. Both are normal. If you are struggling to function, it is better to delegate tasks to a professional than to make decisions you regret.
You do not have to do this alone
Executors often feel pressure to handle everything themselves. You are not required to. A probate lawyer can handle all the legal steps. An estate accountant handles the tax and financial close-out. An estate clearance company handles the property. Your job as executor is to make decisions and ensure things happen — not to do everything yourself.
Support for grief
Grief counsellors and therapists who specialise in bereavement can provide significant support. You do not need to be in crisis to benefit — many people find ongoing sessions helpful throughout the estate administration process and beyond. Community organisations like Skylight and The Grief Centre offer free or low-cost support in New Zealand.
When conflict arises
Family conflict during estate administration is common. If disputes arise, try to keep communication in writing and stay focused on the legal obligations rather than personal grievances. If conflict escalates, a mediator or lawyer experienced in estate disputes can help avoid costly litigation.
Checklist — Grief & wellbeing
- Recognise that grief and administration overlap — this is normal
- Delegate professional tasks to professionals
- Contact a grief counsellor if you need support
- Keep communication with beneficiaries in writing
- If conflict arises, seek mediation early
- Allow yourself time — there is no deadline on grief
Who can help at this stage
EstateCompass lists verified NZ providers who specialise in this area.